Taking Steps – an FtM Transition Blog

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Various passing thoughts

with 2 comments

So I haven’t updated this little fellow in a good few days now, and the reason for that is obvious – I have no idea whatsoever as for what to update with! I therefore thought I’d do something more about passing, since my previous posts have been focussed on ways to pass, I suppose.

If you’re MtF, then you are given a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that you will easily be able to portay your identity with the clothes you wear – wearing a long skirt and low cut top is still seen as a “female” thing to do, despite the fact that Roman MEN wore togas, and it’s a relatively recent thing that it’s inappropriate for a male-bodied-person to wear a skirt. The fact remains that there is something you can easily wear or do to assert your identity as female. The curse that goes alongside that is, of course, that FtM spectrum folk have the advantage when it comes to passing of being able to have testosterone. Unless, of course, you go no-ho, and then it’s somewhat harder.

For the guys that are pre-hormones or non-hormones, or in the early stages, what do you do to pass? It’s hard to assert ones identity with clothes, especially as a lot of the most “male” clothes are also seen as approrpiate for butch lesbians. And I don’t have a problem with it – I have a problem with society gendering clothes at all, but at the same time, if I want to be read as male then I have to accept this gendering and succumb to it, wearing clothes that are seen as male-only.

Easier said than done mate

I tend to get away with boxers, baggy jeans, trainers, and t-shirts, but that’s not an exclusively male outfit, I think it seems that the only clothing that remains totally the province of men, in the same way skirts do of women is probably the tailored suit. These are, however expensive. A cheap off-the-rack suit retails in at £100 ($160) where I live, and that’s a lot more than I can reasonably afford. Even if I could, for a birthday, for instance, a transguy will be lucky to have the build that fits these, without hormones, and I’m not lucky!

In some ways, I am. I’m 5″6’ish, which isn’t unreasonably short, I’m slender, and relatively fit, my face is masculine enough that I *can* pass, but I’m not able to fit most mens clothing, and the boxers that fit me best are for age 6-7. Yes, 6-7. I am 17. Are you seeing a problem?

If I could afford it I would get my clothes tailored, but that isn’t an option, so my next best option is to find a guy witha  similar build to me, and take him shopping. Not got one of those at the moment!

Some of the clothes I wear could be considered feminine. I’ve got a C chest, so bound it’s flat enough to get away with wearing a tight t-shirt over a binder, which emphasises my lack of chest, but overall I get read as a butch lesbian far more than I do as a man, because of my voice mainly, I suppose. That and my stick thin arms.

I do have a committment to getting fitter, and building more muscle, but it’s a slow process. At the moment my regimen is pretty pitiful, but I’m not obsessed enough to build a decent one – 20 pressups, 20 situps and 20 squats. Decent, I’ll grant you, but not up to much. I’m planning on doubling it. I’ve tried a few different things, but this is the best one I have for building muscle, it’s visible already!


Written by trannyfag

May 26, 2009 at 12:23 pm


with 9 comments

Note: I dislike the COGIATI immensely. I made this more for my own amusement than anything – why should the MtF folk get all the fun snarking it?! I also have no idea how I’d make this fill-in-able, so I’ll tell you to work out your own bloody scores 😉

(you’re men, after all – you have to be good at maths)

This is a direct amendment of the COGIATI, just changing questions round really. The version I edited this from can be found here


Start with 0 points, and add or subtract the number in brackets that fits your answer

Describe your relationship with mathematics.

Mathematics is somewhat difficult at times. It isn’t my favorite thing. (-5)

I hate doing math! It is both tedious and a struggle for me. (-10)

Mathematics is both useful and fun. I enjoy mathematical puzzles. (10)

I am really pretty good at math. (5)

I do math as it is required of me. (0)

You get a phone call from somebody you met for the first time a few days ago. How easy is it for you to remember who they are by the sound of their voice?

I think I could remember, given enough time on the phone. (5)

I can place them after a few seconds…I might have to think a bit. (-5)

Pretty difficult, I don’t know them. I wish they would tell me their name. (10)

I would remember them pretty quickly. I am pretty good at placing voices. (-10)

Usually I know who they are after a minute or so. (0)

You are shown a number of close-up photographs of the faces of many different people you do not know. You are asked to describe the emotions that the people are feeling by the expressions on their faces alone. How well would you do, do you think?

I would be able to get most of them right, I think. (-5)

I would have a little difficulty with that. It’s not that easy. (5)

I could probably guess most of them. Probably. (0)

Probably not that well. It is hard to read faces, you never really know for sure. (10)

I would definitely know what most of the people were feeling. Just look at their face! (-10)

You are at a meeting. Everyone at the meeting is the same sex as you. The leader of the meeting announces that it’s time for hugs all around! How do you feel about this?

It might be OK. (0)

I love hugs! Good idea. (-10)

It’s kind of nice. No big deal though. (-5)

I would feel a little put off by it, frankly. (5)

What is up with all of this hugging stuff? This is unnecessary. (10)

As a child, when you played with close friends, how would you describe the type of play you liked to be a part of the most?

I liked to get out and do things. Run, jump, and yell. Let off some steam.  (10)

Toys were fun, we would play games where we would pretend a lot. (-5)

I liked to be pretty active. I liked cool toys too, and we would build forts. (5)

I liked neat toys, and we would ride bikes or play ball games. (0)

We would make up stories about ourselves and our toys. We would talk and sing too. (-10)

You meet somebody and they are polite to you, but seem a little distant. They are actually very attracted to you. How likely are you to know this?

Not very, it is hard to tell with people. (10)

I doubt I would be able to tell without some clues. (5)

I might pick up on it. (0)

I can usually tell when somebody likes me a lot, even if they are shy. (-10)

I would probably be able to tell. (-5)

You are talking to a very newly met person. During your talk, the person brings up an event from their own youth. The discussion catches them off guard, and they start to cry. How do you react to this?

I can understand that. It’s a little uncomfortable, but I can understand. (0)

I feel a little put off, but it happens, I guess. If it went on too long, it might be weird. (5)

It makes me feel uncomfortable. I will wait for them to get themselves together. It also depends on the person. (10)

I would want to help, if I could. I mean, they are crying. (-5)

I have had that happen to me. I would try to comfort them as best as I could. I might even give them a hug if it seemed right to do so. (-10)

You are alone enjoying some erotic materials of your own preference. What are they?

Films. Films first, maybe pictures too. (10)

Absolutely stories. Pictures just are not as good as having it written. (-10)

Could be either pictures or written words. (0)

Probably books or stories. (-5)

Pictures, films are good. (5)

Which choice most closely describes why you dress up ‘en masculine’, as a man.

Mostly it just makes me feel better somehow. (5)

It does turn me on quite a bit, (-5)

Sometimes it excites me, sometimes it’s just nice. (0)

The only reason I do it is because it makes me feel better. I really don’t do it for excitement. (10)

It is a very sexy thing to do. It is very exciting. I love it! (-10)

In your early school days, how were you at writing essays, poetry, and reports?

I did it well enough. (0)

I could do the job, more or less, but I cannot say I enjoyed writing. (5)

It was rather hard at times. I really did not like it that much. (10)

Actually, I kind of enjoyed writing, sometimes. (-5)

I would get carried away sometimes. I was really proud of my written work. (-10)

You are parking your car. You must reverse into a somewhat narrow space to park. What do you do?

It’s a little tricky, I might pass on it and look for better (or “I don’t drive”). (0)

I don’t like that situation. I would park there only if things were pretty crowded. (-5)

It’s a bother, but I can manage most of the time. (5)

I would go look for another place to park. Who needs the aggravation? (-10)

I slide right in. Piece of cake! (10)

You acquire an incredible power. You can change your sex whenever you wish, and the change is absolutely perfect in either form, male or female. What would you most likely do with such a power?

I would turn male and I really would not want to use the power again, actually. (10)

I would probably use it to turn male. I would mostly stay that way. (5)

I would be a lot better than dressing up. (-5)

I would use it to switch back and forth for fun! (-10)

I would be whatever I felt like as I desired. (0)

You have been visiting a new town for several days. Someone asks you which direction south is. Do you know?

I would be guessing a little, but I would have some idea, I think. (0)

I probably could make a pretty solid estimate. (5)

Almost always. After a few days, I know my directions. (10)

I probably would not be able to tell. It’s not that easy you know? (-5)

That would be kind of difficult. I would not feel very sure about it. (-10)

You are in a public place, such as a waiting room or a park bench. Circumstances require you to sit VERY closely to another person of the same sex. How do you feel about this inside?

I feel perfectly comfortable. It’s not a big deal. (-10)

Sitting close kind of bothers me a little. (5)

I feel uneasy on the rare occasion. (-5)

I don’t really like to sit close like that. (10)

I feel a little uncomfortable with it. (0)

A situation involving people has come up. The people are debating the issue, and are unsure of what to do. You understand most of the situation. You are able to act in the manner you feel like. What do you do?

I listen to make sure I understand, then I ask to offer my suggestions on the matter. (-5)

I wait for an opening and offer my knowledge. (0)

I step in and clear things up.  (10)

I let them know what is going on as best as I can.. (5)

I will listen and see if they can figure it out. I might add my ideas to the discussion. (-10)

Visualize the following entirely in your head. Do not draw or write anything, just use your mind. Picture a pair of cubes. The two cubes are connected by a bar through their middle, like a dumbbell. Imagine that the dumbbell object is floating in front of you, one cube close to you, the other directly away from you. Now, imagine that the cube nearest you is red, and the cube furthest from you is blue. Picture the dumbbell built of two cube and a rod begins to rotate, the near, red cube, dropping down and away, and the blue, far cube, rotating up and nearer. The dumbbell continues so that it now stands vertical, in front of you, the red cube on the bottom, the blue cube on the top. Continue this direction of rotation, end over end, three times exactly, starting with that state where the red cube was on the bottom, and the blue cube was on the top. What is the position of either cube, red or blue?

I cannot follow this at all. How am I supposed to understand this? (-10)

I am not sure. This is pretty hard. Maybe the red cube is on the bottom? (-5)

I feel that the red cube is most likely on the bottom. (0)

I am certain that the red cube is on top. (10)

I think that the blue cube is on the bottom. (5)

You are talking with a friend. Outside, far away, somebody is honking their horn regularly and endlessly. It is not very loud, you can just barely hear it in the quiet room. What is your reaction?

It would bug me. Eventually I might bring it up to my friend, or I might try to ignore it. (-10)

I would just ignore it, if I noticed it at all. (0)

So what? I am busy talking with my friend.. I might not even notice it. (10)

I would notice it, but I would be too busy chatting with my friend, really. (5)

It might come to my attention after a while. Depends on the car. (-5)

Yesterday, you met five new people. Today, you are asked by name about the people you met. How well can you picture their faces in your mind?

I can probably remember what most of them looked like. (-5)

I would be able to picture them all, easily (-10)

I would be lucky to remember one or two, to be honest. (5)

Not a chance. I just would not remember their faces. One, maybe. (10)

I might remember what they looked like. (0)

In your early school days, how were you at spelling?

I was fairly good at spelling. (0)

I was very good at spelling. I still am. (-10)

To be honest, spelling is a problem for me. Even now I have difficulty. (10)

Spelling was not one of my best abilities. (5)

I could spell rather well, actually. (-5)

Can you remember tunes or songs easily? Can you hum, sing or whistle them with ease?

I am very good at remembering music. I hear it once, and I know it!  (-10)

I am good enough with catchy jingles. (0)

I have a very hard time remembering music. It just doesn’t stick. (10)

Remembering songs is not what I do best. (5)

I am pretty good at remembering a tune. (-5)

You hear a noise from somewhere. Without looking, how well can you identify the direction of the sound from you?

I never really know where sounds come from without looking. (-10)

I know where the sound comes from about half of the time I guess. (0)

I pretty much know which direction a sound comes from, more or less. (5)

Occasionally I can know where the sound comes from, but not often. (-5)

I always know the direction. It’s not that hard to do for me. (10)

You are telling a friend about something that happened to you years ago. How well do you remember what clothing you were wearing?

I would probably remember what I was wearing. (-5)

I would not remember that at all. Why would I? What difference does it make? (10)

I would probably remember my clothing easily, and I might well remember what someone else was wearing too. (-10)

Probably I would not remember at all. Unless it was important to the story, of course. (5)

I might remember, depending. (0)

You are about the age of 14. You have to take a test, but you can chose which test to take. Getting a good grade will result in a big reward. Which test would you choose to take, if you had a week to study first?

I would chose History, maybe Science.  (0)

Geometry or Science. (5)

I would choose English or History. (-5)

I would choose Science or Maths. (10)

I would choose English, possibly Art (-10)

You are being described by someone. Which phrase do you like THE LEAST.

“An aggressive and determined competitor, without peer” (-10)

“Sympathetic and understanding. Never one to push too hard” (10)

“Very sweet-tempered and receptive” (5)

“An all around good person” (0)

“Always takes immediate command of any situation” (5-)

You are driving about, doing errands, in the big city. You have been here a few times before, but this is the first time you have been here driving on your own. You have no map with you. What probably happens?

I might get lost for a bit, but I would find my way soon. (-5)

I would very likely get lost. I would have to ask for directions. (-10)

I get around pretty well. (5)

It’s a little tricky in places. (0)

I have no difficulty. (10)

Your genitalia and reproductive organs are destroyed, perhaps due to an accident or injury, but they are gone forever. You are otherwise the same as now, but you are utterly without your reproductive organs, just smooth, flat flesh. What is the most realistic statement of how you would deal with this?

I often wish something like that would happen. I seriously do. (10)

I am not sure how I would feel. I could cope, given enough time. (0)

That would be terrible. (-5)

I would consider suicide. That would be absolutely horrible. (-10)

It would not bother me. I sometimes think it would be an improvement. (5)

You are 10 years old. It is play time. Which activity do you choose?

I might ride bikes with my friends. (10)

I go outside and play ball with my friends. (5)

I might swim or play with my toys with my friends.. (-5)

I would play pretend games with my friends, or maybe play board games. (-10)

I would walk in the woods with my friends, or play with my pet. (0)

You are introduced to someone new. They have a tiny white thread coming out of their grey coat. What is the chance of your noticing this?

I almost certainly would notice it. I might say something later. (-10)

I might notice it. Maybe. (0)

This is not something I would probably notice. (5)

I would not notice that. It would not matter. (10)

I probably would notice it. (-5)

How much actual discomfort or suffering has any conflict between your physical sex and internal gender caused you?

Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to be male. (5)

Not very much. That is not a big issue to me. (-10)

I do not like my body to seem feminine. This is a problem. (0)

This is really bothering me. I feel like my body is wrong. I should be male. (10)

Maybe just a little. For the most part I am comfortable with my body. (-5)

Suddenly, somebody throws a ball at you. What is the most realistic outcome?

I might catch the ball. (5)

I would be surprised. I might drop the ball. (0)

I would be surprised, that’s for sure! I doubt I would catch the ball. (-10)

I would probably drop the ball. (-5)

I would probably catch the ball. (10)

You are in a restaurant with some friends. It is moderately noisy, but not loud. A song you know comes over the loudspeakers, but done in Muzak ™ style, often called “elevator music”. Would you recognize the song instantly?

In that style, I probably would not even recognize any song. (10)

I might recognize the song. (0)

I would probably recognize the song, after a few moments. (-5)

I would recognize the song quickly. (-10)

I doubt I would recognize the song, especially over the noise. (5)

Suddenly the entire world is magically changed. Now you exist in a world utterly devoid of gender. All bodies are hermaphroditic, utterly androgynous in appearance, both male and female at the same time. The culture reflects this, as does all human interaction. You, however, are still yourself inside, with all of your memories of living in our world as it is now. Your feelings are intact, only your flesh has been changed. In this new world, everyone dresses, acts, and lives however they feel at the time, and there is no such thing as being male or being female. You alone remember the world of gender. In such a world, would you still need to dress like a woman?

I don’t know. It would be easier to live how I wish though. (5)

How I dress is not really the issue for me. I would just dress how I felt. (10)

Yes. I really enjoy expressing masculinity. I would miss it a lot. (-5)

I guess it just would not matter anymore, would it? This is my dream world. (0)

Without question. I really love being masculine. It would be a very disturbing world, too. (-10)

You are working with a group of people on an important project. What is the most important concern to you with regard to the interpersonal structure of the group?

I would be concerned that everyone get along with each other well, and respect each other’s feelings. (-10)

It’s important to get along well, but getting the job done is the first priority. (10)

Everyone has to work well together. It is best if they keep focused on the job. (5)

It is best if everyone could be friends, and enjoy each other’s company. That would make the job get done faster. (-5)

It is most important that everyone share the same degree of dedication. (0)

Somewhere, a bell rings softly. You have to point to the exact location instantly. How well can you do this?

That would be hard to do, but I could probably point to it. (-5)

I might get it right. (0)

I would probably be right most of the time. (5)

I would probably not be able to point it out exactly. (-10)

I would know right where the bell was. (10)

A doctor offers you a painless, absolutely effective means to be completely feminine. All masculine desires and traits would be eliminated, and you would be happy and content to be a woman. You would never need to dress, and you would never want to be masculine in any way again. You are assured that after the treatment you would be completely content. Would you take the treatment?

I don’t know. Maybe. (0)

I would not want such a treatment. (5)

I probably would. (-10)

I would seriously consider the option. (-5)

I would run away fast. That would be like death to me. (10)

Pick the word that you would MOST want to be applied to you.

Assertive. (10)

Understanding. (-5)

Intuitive (-10)

Independent. (5)

Adaptable. (0)

How easily do you cry at movies?

Sometimes something will just get to me, and I will cry. (-5)

Movies do not often make me cry. (5)

Sometimes, if it is a powerful movie, I might cry. (0)

I really have never cried because of a film. (10)

I get really involved, and I cry pretty easily if the scene is intense enough. (-10)

Deep down, what gender do you really see yourself as?

I am more male than female at times. (5)

I am neither male nor female. I am kind of half-way . (0)

I am mostly female. (-10)

I am probably more female than male. (-5)

I am probably mostly male. (10)

Which do you feel is most desirable to possess?

Compassion. (-10)

Love. (-5)

Friendship. (0)

Respect. (5)

Power. (10)

Pick the choice that most closely represents the age at which your gender first became an issue or a concern to you.

About age 15. (-10)

About age 7 (5)

About age 5. (10)

About age 12. (-5)

About age 9. (0)

Have you ever suffered a migraine ‘headache’?

I doubt it. (5)

I have had more than a few over the years. (-10)


I have had a few. (-5)

Maybe once. (0)

How long have you felt that you have had a gender incongruous with the sex of your body?

My earliest memories are of having a problem with this issue. (10)

For a long time now, I have felt that way. (5)

I have always wondered about the issue. (0)

Fairly recently I have begun to feel that way. (-5)

I do not feel that way, at least not strongly. (-10)

What is the honest degree that sexual excitement and attraction play in the importance and value of crossdressing to you?

It is not seriously important to me. (5)

Actually, it matters very little to me. (10)

It is nice but not the only reason. (0)

It really is very important to me. (-10)

It matters very much. (-5)

How important is it to you that others would accept you completely as a man?

Having people consider me truly male is not what is important to me. (-10)

It is very important to me. I really want to be accepted completely as a man. (10)

It is not a major issue to me. (-5)

It would be nice, but I don’t need it to be happy.(0)

It is pretty important. I would feel much better if I was so accepted. (5)

Have you ever seriously contemplated suicide because of your gender issues?

Not ever. (-10)

There have been times that I have considered it. (0)

No, not seriously. (-5)

I have felt close to it. (10)

I have thought about it fairly seriously. (5)

Have you ever been caught, discovered, punished, or found out about with regard to your gender issues, crossdressing, or gender related behavior?

I have had a few problems. It’s tricky to hide completely. (5)

It is hard to keep hidden -or- I do not even try. (10)

No, I am very discrete. (-10)

I have had a couple of incidents in the past. (0)

Maybe once. I stay hidden. (-5)

When you look at a person’s face, how well can you honestly judge what they are feeling?

It is pretty obvious to me. (-10)

I can tell sometimes. (0)

I would prefer they just tell me. That leaves less to chance. (5)

I can usually tell what a person is feeling, more or less. (-5)

It is hard to tell just by looking. (10)

You are on your period. How do you feel?

I might be feeling a bit low. (0)

It really upsets me when I have my period. (5)

I don’t mind it, it’s a bit of an inconvenience. (-5)

I hate that. I wish it would just stop. It makes me want to die. (10)

I like having my period. (-10)

You are trying to describe the complex shape of an unfamiliar object to someone. You are not using your hands, and must rely on words alone. How easy is it for you to convey the shape accurately?

It’s hard for me to picture shapes clearly in my mind. The words are the easy part. (-10)

I try lots of descriptions and comparisons, but it can be difficult to get the right idea across. (-5)

I can picture the shape, but finding the right words can be tough sometimes. (10)

I can describe the shape fairly well, if I have enough time. (0)

I can see it in my mind, and can pretty much describe it well enough. (5)

It is grade school. The teacher gives you a gold star on your work for excellence. What is it for?

I knew how to multiply. (10)

I knew the name of the capitol. (0)

I had perfect spelling with no mistakes. (-5)

I got my addition right. (5)

The teacher thought I wrote the best poem. (-10)

You are told that something you said probably bothered somebody. What is your reaction?

I might give it some thought. (0)

I have the right to say what I please. (5)

I would probably try to find out more. (-5)

I would worry a little bit. I don’t want to hurt anyone. (-10)

I think it is their problem. (10)

Have you cut your hair short, do you wear a masculine hairstyle, or have you otherwise altered your day-to-day physical appearance to increase the effectiveness of dressing as or expressing your masculinity?

No, that would be a bit too much right now. (-10)

People sometimes make comments, to tell you the truth. (10)

I really have not done anything that would be noticed. (-5)

Maybe a little. Not a lot though. (0)

I do seem to like my hair and appearance to be more masculine. (5)

There is a voice mail on your machine. The person does not leave a name, they seem to expect you to know them. How easy is it for you to remember who called by the sound of their voice?

Pretty difficult, it’s just a disembodied voice. I wish they had left their name. (5)

I could place them after a few listens …I might have to think a bit. (0)

I would know who it is pretty quickly. I am rather good at placing voices. (-10)

Usually I know who they are if I play the message a few times. (-5)

I don’t think I could tell just by the voice. (10)

A stranger is happy at meeting you. He wants to give you a hug. How do you honestly feel about this?

It’s kind of nice. (-5)

I would feel a little put off by it, frankly. (5)

That would be a little weird for me. (10)

I like to hug. It’s a warm feeling. (-10)

It might be OK. (0)

You meet somebody and they are polite to you, but seem a little distant. They are actually secretly disliking you. How likely are you to know this?

I might pick up on it. (0)

I doubt I would be able to tell without some clues. (10)

Not very, it is hard to tell with people. (5)

I can usually tell when somebody dislikes me, even if they act well. (-10)

I would probably be able to tell. (-5)

You are talking to a person you have recently met. During your talk, the person brings up an event from their past. The discussion turns serious, and they start to get strongly emotional. How do you react to this?

It makes me feel uncomfortable. (10)

I can understand that. It’s a little uncomfortable, but I can understand. (0)

I would want to help, if I could, because they are having a hard time. (-5)

I would try to comfort them as best as I could. (-10)

I feel a little put off, but it happens, I guess. (5)

You are masturbating, alone. What turns you on the most?

Visual things, mostly. Images of people together or alone. (10)

I prefer things I can see. (5)

Could be pictures or words. (0)

Probably words, ideas turn me on the most. (-5)

Definitely something written, especially if it is written well. (-10)

You will never, ever be a man. You must live the rest of your days entirely as a woman, and you will only get more feminine with each passing year. There is no way out. What is your reaction?

I don’t think I could bear that. (5)

As long as I can still dress in private, I would survive. (-10)

It would hurt, but I would carry on. (0)

I could cope. Not much different than now. (-5)

I am better off dead. (10)

You are shown a film of close-up images of the faces of many different people. You are asked to describe the emotions that the people are feeling by the expressions on their faces alone. How well would you be able to tell the emotions of the people?

I would be able to get most of them right. (-5)

I would have some difficulty with that. (5)

I could probably guess some of them. (0)

I would know what almost all of the people were feeling. (-10)

Probably not at all. (10)

You are spending time with a group of married friends. Two of them are secretly having an affair. Would you detect this easily?

I probably would be able to tell, after a while. (0)

I usually pick up on such things fairly quickly, I think. (-5)

If they slipped up, I could probably guess. (5)

If they are keeping it secret, how am I supposed to know? (10)

I catch that sort of thing easily. You can just tell. You can feel it. (-10)

Are you now on – or just about to start – hormone therapy?

No. I am not sure that I want to use hormones. (-10)

I am on hormone therapy right now. (10)

I wonder whether hormones might be good to try. (0)

I am about to start hormone therapy, as soon as I can. (5)

I am not, but I have thought about it. Probably not. (-5)

Have you ever spent longer than one week living entirely as a man?

No, but it might be interesting to try. (0)

No. I am not sure how I would feel about doing that. (-5)

I have tried something like that, but is became tiring or uncomfortable. (-10)

Yes. I really loved it. (10)

I would like to do that, and I might if I can. (5)

Which choice most closely describes how you feel about living as a woman in the world?

It is a pretty unpleasant thing to be. (10)

I cannot think of much good about it. (5)

There are some definite advantages, I have to admit. (-10)

It can be useful in many circumstances. (-5)

It is just one way to be in the world. It has its problems and benefits. (0)

You are about to die. In your last moments, you are presented with a choice. You can be buried and remembered as a man, or buried and remembered as a woman. Which do you choose?

I want to be remembered accurately. It really doesn’t matter at that point anyway. (-10)

Whatever. Doesn’t really matter to me. (0)

My family and friends might be bothered by that. Better not change things. (-5)

I would probably wish to be remembered as a man. (5)

If I have to die, I would absolutely prefer to be remembered as a man. (10)

Which is the closest to your own current self definition?

I am sort of both male and female. Perhaps a transgenderist. (-5)

I am a crossdresser. (-10)

I know that I am a transsexual. (10)

I have a male side that I like to express. (0)

I am probably a transsexual. (5)

Oh the stereotypes, my mind burns, it BURNS

When you add up all your points, what was your score?

Click below to see what it meant

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by trannyfag

May 22, 2009 at 8:50 pm


with 4 comments

These are designs I’ve personally tried for making harnesses

I’ll leave it up to you, dear reader, to judge length of strings and elastics having read this, since I have no idea what your build is like

I don’t seem to be able to find the website I was looking for, so please do comment if you know what I’m thinking of when I give these instructions for the first design

Please remember this is not my idea, this one, and I take no credit for it!

The Elastic

Quite simple really, you make an elastic belt that can go down under your hips, around you, and tuck the balls of the packer behind it.

You then take another length of elastic, and tie both ends of it to the belt round your hips, leaving a looped “tail” hanging behind you.

You take the tail, pull it through your legs, and the loop goes over the top of the packer

I found this one worked well with this DIY packer but didn’t work with the one I bought for STP modification at all, so would eventually advise against it.

The String

This is the one I’m using at the moment. and it is quite complex to make, needing string and a cock ring tight enough to fit securely onto the packer. Many thanks to cheetr from #gaygeeks on irc.freenode.net for coming up with what knots I’d need to put it together

Take a length of string and tie it round below your hips with a reef knot.

Take the cock ring and two shorter lengths of string, and dangle the cock ring where you want it to hang, tying it twice from the hip strap, again using reef knots (simple to tie, easy to undo and alter)

Take a length of string (a long one) and use a taut line hitch (I used the #1857) to attach it to one side, so it hangs down the outside of your thigh.

Repeat on the other side.

Now take the long dangly bit (no pun intended) and wrap it round your thigh, outside to inside, passing through the cock ring, before using the same taut line hitch to attach the loose end to the bit coming down from the waistband.

Yes, confusing I know

You’ll know when you have this right because the cock ring will be taut, and you’ll be able to adjust its position by moving straps around slightly

The Sock

I liked this method when I was just packing with a heavier, bought packer, but it doesn’t work with an STP device

Take a sports sock

Cut two small holes in the top hem

Run a piece of elastic through these

Tuck the shaft in the sock, under the elastic, with the balls dangling out the back

Tie the elastic round your waist


This one creates a lot of washing mind

Get two sets of boxers (you’ll be wearing two pairs per day now)

One needs to be tiny, just big enough to pull up, and the other normal (I wear boys 5-6 and boys 14-15 for this)

Put the little boxers on with the balls inside and the shaft dangling out the front hole

Put the big boxers on over the little boxers and the shaft is tucked inside those

And thus concludes todays post on such matters!

Written by trannyfag

May 21, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Posted in Gender

Tagged with , , , , , , ,

Part Two of the STP Saga!

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So, I shall presume that you all know what an STP is by now, and talk from that standpoint!

The pictures in the gallery below should show you the process that I used to do this, but since I can’t work out how to put them individually, you’ll have to browse.

How to bake a STP


One Packer

One metre of 5mm diameter tubing (bought in a medium size Robert Dyas for about £2)

One teat for a baby bottle (bought in a medium size Boots for about £2)

One reel of duct/gaffa tape (bought in a small Robert Dyas for about £6)


One skewer (not corkscrew) as used for barbequing

Alternatively one long tent peg

One stove (gas was used)

One cold water tap

One pair of scissors

One marker pen

One stopwatch


  1. Put the kettle on and lay out cups of tea
  2. Take the marker pen and mark on the tip of the penis and back of the ballsack the rough line you wish the hole to pass through
  3. Pour the hot water over the teabags
  4. Heat the skewer or tent peg over the stove on high heat for a minute. Be sure to leave a part of it far enough away from the heat to be grasped. Use the stopwatch to time this
  5. Hold the packer securely and slip the red-hot metal through it, from tip down shaft and out ballsack. It goes very fast if you are not careful, and melts very very easily, so go as slowly as you need to to ensure the line you have is at least roughly the line you wished to have
  6. Rush to a tap  and remove the skewer, pulling the edges of the holes apart, thrusting your hands into the packer down the hole, and turning it inside out if necessary to ensure that the hole goes right through smoothly. Leave it in cold water for 1-2 minutes
  7. Take the teabags out, add milk and sugar to taste and start drinking
  8. Wash up the skewer, turn the stove off
  9. Take the tubing and the teat. Cut the end off the teat in a very small way, and feed the tube into this. Use the duct or gaffa tape to secure this very securely. It comes off otherwise, and the tape struggles to stick to the smooth rubber of the teat so use LOTS
  10. Feed the tubing from the other end down the cock, leaving a tiny bit sticking out at the tip end, and enough at the ball end to bend it down and have the cup hanging lower than the bottom of the balls
  11. Trim to taste
  12. Rush to the toilet having drunken so much tea, and test it out

Yes, this method does work contrary to my first post where it very very clearly failed. The timings should also make a perfect cup of tea. Try the packer for the first time naked in the shower (you will drip) and get very used to using it without clothes before you add clothes. After that get very used to using it with clothes before you start using it in public!

I will include instructions for a couple of types of harness tomorrow, probably, and the day after will try and write something about how and when to use or not use this marvellous device!

Written by trannyfag

May 20, 2009 at 9:53 am

To my reader(s!)

with 4 comments

To my first reader, Will, thanks for reading, and commenting and such!

To my second reader, and much loved boyfriend Moof, HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Yes, yes, it is his birthday! and he is fabulous and wonderful and so he gets a post

Ooh and I have all the bits to make my STP take two tomorrow, which means, sadly, no video, but lots of pictures, I promise!

(ps, don’t let me on wordpress past midnight, it is a Bad Idea)

Written by trannyfag

May 20, 2009 at 12:23 am

Part One of the STP Saga!

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Now playing: Manic Street Preachers – Journal for Plague Lovers / Journal for Plague Lovers

(yes, that was a plug, no, it won’t happen often, yes they are my favourite band, yes you need to hear this album, yes it is relevant to gender issues)

Now, the saga
I’ve tried a few various methods to make a working STP (device enabling female genitalia to urinate standing tidily), the most effective being cutting the nose of a plastic bottle off at a 45 degree angle, putting the cap on, boring a hole in the cap, and sticking the pointy bit inside me and pissing, but that’s obviously not very realistic (unless you know many cisguys with clear plastic penises? I thought not). I also couldn’t pack with it. Now, what I really want is one packer that I can piss, pack and play with, but I have a hands on side so I’m also determined to make it. To those ends I gathered some equipment together:

Two nipples for baby bottles

One metre of plastic tubing sold in car shops for screen fluid

One cyberskin packer

One skewer

One tap

One gas stove

I say I’m a hands-on guy, yes, but I never claimed to be any good at hands on type stuff, so it didn’t work. The plan was to heat the skewer on the gas stove and thrust it, with as little effort and drama as possible, through the packer, before running cold water down the hole to seal it, then running the tube through, poking a hole in the bottle nipple, putting the tube into the hole and tada, one STP device. However, my cunning plan failed quite drastically due to a few major mistakes

1) Not heating the skewer enough so it took a few hard throusts to make any hole, then not realising when it was properly hot, thrusting too hard, and at the wrong angle, so it came out the bottom of the penis before going back in. Yes. Success. Clearly.

2) Not running cold water through for long enough

3) Not finding a way of sealing the nipple to the tubing

4) Choosing too thin a tube with the result of it needing me to piss verrrrrrrrrry sloooooooooooooowly

5) Getting so startled about actually having a penis in my reflection that I dropped the whole caboodle.

I’ve ordered a new one (hence why there can be a Part Two) and am going to try again with a wider tube, longer time and a hotter skewer because I want this to work. When this is done I need to work out how to modify it so that I can play with it as well as pissing and packing! At the moment I have another satisfyingly realistic one for play but it’s a bit of a mood-killer (“Hang on while I put my penis on”) so I want to solve that little problem somehow. Somehow being the operative word, I’m really not sure how I’m going to get this to work, but there has to be a way. As I don’t really want to post pictures of a scarred and mutilated attempt there will be pictures (and a video if I have my ASUS eeebook back from the repair people) on Thursday!

Written by trannyfag

May 19, 2009 at 11:28 am

Sorry, but you are looking for something that isn’t here

with 2 comments

“Sorry, but you are looking for something that isn’t here” said the wordpress blog page when I’d deleted the “hello world” post it gave me, or alternatively said my body when I looked down to see if I had magically grown a penis overnight. Sadly, the world is not that simple!

Now it’s my turn to say “Hello World”!

My name is James, although my friends generally call me Jamie, or a variety of nicknames I’ve picked up throughout my life, to avoid their discomfort at calling my by any particular name that they aren’t sure fits me, or aren’t quite ready to use, as it means acknowledging me as fully male, or have chosen to use to avoid calling me Jamie in a situation where it might not be appropriate, for example at home with my parents! I am going to try and update this little blogroll daily with various things, be they considerations of the binary gender system, mentions of my own transition and how that’s progressing (slower than a drunk paraplegic snail up a wall), or various other transgender related odd bits and pieces, with the odd mention of religion, or my wonderful boyfriend, or something else! I’m going to try and keep it relevant but really, don’t hold up a lot of hope for there being a daily post when I also have a community blog I’m meant to post to (genderblogs – see my links column), a blog on livejournal, and a couple of other places, but then I really enjoy reading other blogs like this, and how the transgender blogging community interweaves, so we’ll see. Either way things will get cross-posted a bit, because I want people to see, but this will be my main spot!

How do I label myself? Well, it depends on the weather 😛

I’m a trannyfag at the moment  – I’m FtM and I take that label aware of what it carries. I’m aware that there is a stigma attached to the word “tranny” and that I’m exercising my male privilage by using it, when it’s so insulting to parts of the community, but I also want to reclaim it and make it a label people can be proud to wear. What does that mean though? I’m gay, and I’m male, and I’m trans. Those are all parts of my identity, and even if I don’t tell everyone I meet immediately, I can’t see myself ever hiding any of them. I’m also sarcastic, flippant, the king of innuendo, an ex-mohawkee, now recovered, an equally recovered crazy, who now has the “sane badge”, a failed guitar player with a voice even my boyfriend has to describe as “unable to stay in key”, a clever bastard (when I bother to work), not bad-looking but not hot, good at TMI’ing people, with a personality that can at best be described as “eclectic”. I’m also a genuinely nice guy who wants to get to know other local transguys, maybe that’s why I’m keeping this blog. Either way, it’s to share my experiences with other people, so I’m blogging.

Genderqueer trannyfag over and out

Written by trannyfag

May 18, 2009 at 5:52 pm